Congratulations, guys.

I was privileged to be there yesterday when two friends, M & D, tied the knot. They chose not to get married, for a variety of reasons, even though they legally could have. But they got their family and friends together and had a ceremony on a mountaintop to celebrate their relationship, and it was completely their own, and very cool. No officiant, lots of participation from family and friends. And yes, they really did tie a knot.

I was especially glad that they chose to speak openly in their ceremony about how their relationship has been affected by D's experience with breast cancer. She was diagnosed at 26, with no family history, no risk factors, no reason to believe this would ever happen to her. She has been in remission for 5 1/2 years and is doing very well, but she has been face to face with mortality in a way relatively few people our age have been.

As it happens, one of her big supports through this process was a man who was also going through a life-threatening illness that started at a young age -- he was diagnosed with HIV at 21 years old, 26 years ago I think. He got up with D in the ceremony and talked a little about how it changes you, to live for a while as if you don't have much time, and then realize you might have more time after all, and start to make long term plans again...

I was grateful that they did this on several levels. It gave me a new understanding and respect for what D has experienced (it was before I knew her), for the bond between my friends, and for what this celebration means to them. And also, talking about cancer and HIV on equal footing this way was just one more small but real step towards breaking down the stigma around HIV and AIDS. Everyone present yesterday got a chance to see this man through D's eyes: a fellow survivor, a source of strength, and a much-loved friend. Not an unknown person with a scary disease that people assume you usually get by doing something you weren't supposed to do. It was only one small part of the day, just a couple minutes. But this is the kind of thing that can change the way people think.

Good day with good people. May they have many good years together.